The key step to getting your own server running is to modify the step that says to change your eqhost.ini file to Host=login.eqemulator.net. That setting will only show the public servers, as you mention. To show your own server, change it to Host=127.0.0.1:5999 (or 5998 for Titanium).
To give yourself GM status, make sure you've already created at least one account and character:
- open the database in HeidiSQL or whatever (default password is eqemu)
- go to the Account table
- change status to 255
- start server, log in, choose a character
- type #gm on
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