I'll do some reading on dslreports and see if I can figure out how to 'remove head from anus'.
I think my stumbling block will be my router. It's a 2wire HomePortal 100. It's super stable (never needs a reset), super fast at routing (fastest recorded at practicallynetworked.com), but not highly configurable.
Thanks for the tip Alkrun.
Looking forward to reading your follow-on post Geist.
==Flipper==
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