I want you to know, I read this thread almost everyday , at first i read it many times during the day. Its happened to me, twice over already: first my mom, then my son. Actually three times; my sister died a few years ago - It was so rough getting through my mother and son, I just didn't even go to her funeral, now I can think she's not really dead
, I think her family hates me for that now.
Life is funny like that, the older you get (without dieing), the more friends and family die around you. I still remember when my son had just died; My 'foul mouth' father walking in and saying 'You got to be one mean, nasty, SOB if you want to get my age!' Cause the older you get, the more crap like this happens!'(he was much more colorful with his 'dirty words'. My old man is mean- I'm still scared of him, and he's almost 90! Don't even know where he is anymore...
But, my mother, I really loved her - and cherish all the good memories I have growing up under her protection. When she died (young too), I didn't walk through the graveyard, I crawled - and cried like a baby.
Time is always the best healer - you just need to put time in between you and that event, after a while, you'll understand, and carry all those good memories in your heart.