try this...
I had the same problem last night and was about to reply with a "me too" when I got it working.
I thought I had installed the patcher program in the right directory, but I screwed up and misspelled it. Double check that. If it was installed correctly, try executing that patch.exe file from within the main EQ directory. Also, click the check box that says to start up EQ once the patcher is done and try running it without doing the EQWin thing.
Its not by the books, but it worked for me and I thought we were having the same exact problem last night.
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