i figured out part of it
i was running everquest.exe patchme from my shortcut. running eqgame.exe patchme from a shortcut quit overwriting my eqlsclient.ini and eqhost.ini files. i am getting the immediate timeout still though. i checked my ini files to make sure there weren't any errant spaces or carriage returns as i've seen mentioned in other posts. still looking for some advice.
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