<address>external_ip</address>
needs to point to the external address assigned to your internet connection, by your ISP, not the ip assigned by your router to your computer.
Your friend needs to point the eqhost to that same IP. this is all i f you are using your own login server, if you are not. you don't need this.
I would suggest leaving out that line and getting it working with the official login server first, and your friend should be able to see it on the list with eqhost pointing to the eqemu login server, if it still can't be seen, it may be your port forwarding or another configuration issue
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