Here is a useful link to some servers with descriptions. I doubt all of them are still around right now because some servers only last a few months and then disappear forever. But, there are quite a few servers that have been around a while.
It sounds like you are looking for a custom legit server. For that, I would highly recommend Zebuxoruk, EZ Server, or my server Storm Haven. All 3 of those meet most of the criteria you are looking for and they are all great servers. Links to their websites are provided in the post that I linked below. You can find out many of the details about them on their sites and decide which one is right for you.
The nice thing is that they are fast paced, so if you play on 1 for a day, you can get a pretty decent feel for how much you will like the server. And if you want to try one of the others, it is an easy switch. You don't have to play for weeks to realize if you will like them or not, but I think they all deserve a chance.
http://www.eqemulator.net/forums/showthread.php?t=24875
I know there are some other servers out there that will probably meet your criteria as well and I am sorry for not mentioning all of them. The 3 I mentioned are all ones that I have personally played on for an extended amount of time, so they are the only ones I can give a true recommendation for.
I wish there was an easy way to keep a clean up to date list of each server, their respective websites and some details about them. Unfortunately, that would be a very hard to maintain list unless it was managed by the server admins somehow. Maybe with some kind of check against the login server to see if the server has been down for a certain amount of time for it to remove them from the list automatically. Something like a server status page where each admin could put their own details in would be amazing. But, I doubt that would ever happen.
Anyway, I am sure you will enjoy the Emulator. It is by far the best emulator out there as far as I know.
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