So sad i cant enjoy working on my server anymore. it breaks my heart

[Astal]

I used to host or develop The Years of trees server a few years ago. Until something happened in my life. I wasnt able to feel any joy doing the things I love. I love working on games and developing them but I cant do it anymore.

Im currently addicted to pain meds, because of my chronic headaches, and health problems (yeah its to the point i cant stand living because every day im pretty much sick unless i got pain meds in my system) it was like that before i started taking them. The main reason i started taking them because i was so sick and they made me feel better.

Before you say anything ive been to countless doctors and they never did anything to help so i said fuck it, i guess ill just take what works instead of killing myself.

Well now im trying to control my meds and take them like im supposed to but its hard when i have such a huge tolerance and it takes 3x my dose to take care of my severe migraines, chills, sweats, pain, aches, fatigue, ahedonia ect....

I wish things could go back to the way they were when I worked on my server but I dont think they will. Its sad really, Im glad i still have my database so maybe there is hope.

I dunno if this ever happened to anyone else, but man there are days I just want to give up and die instead of fighting everyday....

It sucks so if anyone knows any good doctors or anything lemme know im from PA. Just looking for a way to fix my shit.

Pretty sure my adrenal glands are close to fried also :(

Man i miss EQ emu