If this isn't an appropriate place for me to follow up, just delete this. It's possible I'm the only idiot that would do something like this without realizing the consequences, but I wanted to follow up anyway in case someone else ran into it.
A huge part of my memory consumption wasn't just the eqgame.exe instances. Task manager on the host machine won't show it, but if you run a server in a VM and allot it 16GB of memory, it will (at least with this sql db running) consume the entire 16GB even when it doesn't actually need it. The guest taskmgr shows it only needed 2GB of memory, but with the VM powered up, I was losing 16GB.
Fortunately, the solution is simple. I just powered it off and lowered it's available memory to 4GB, and restarted. I was operating under the assumption that the VM would only use what it needed and was trying to play it safe.
Also, I tried ROF2. It does save me about 200MB on the first few instances, but the drawbacks weren't beneficial enough for me to switch away from UF.
Thanks for all the help and sorry for the mess.
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