Adding to the knowledge base on this issue. I started digging into the system logs and in /var/log/mysql/error.log I found this error at a time that coincides with the "Out of memory!" message:
2021-10-04 18:39:42 13 [Warning] Aborted connection 13 to db: 'eqemu' user: 'eqemu' host: 'localhost' (Got an error reading communication packets)
Researching that message suggests a tweak to the 50-server.cnf config file. so I changed max_allowed_packet to 256M. From what I read it defaults to 1M if not specified. I'll follow up with results, so far I have passed the 45 minute mark which isn't conclusive yet.
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