matt, I can't program. I can only read syntax and copy variables in.
I was studying programming in high school and college and gave up on it. The linux desktop can look just like windows, and depending on how much you know about linux and wine, it might actually run your windows programs (slower of course).
If you want to install linux, I suggest you have a friend who knows what he's/she's doing install it for you the first time. There are a lot of options to screw up, and when you're installing, it's a bit hard to look up the answers on the internet.
If you want a distribution that's updated, I suggest not using slackware. They get updated rarely.
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