1) I've had problems with my linksys when I've forwarded ports to a box as well as made that box the DMZ host at the same time. I can't tell if you just tried 2 things or were doing both of them at the same time.
2) I don't know if that's the problem, though, for you - if he's VPN'ing into your LAN, then he's already inside your network and the router shouldn't be coming into play. What I would do is make sure that all the addresses you're using everywhere (loginserver.ini, boot5zones, etc.) are internal addresses. You're trying to keep all your traffic on your private network and shouldn't be popping out for anything.
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